We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
