So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
