She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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