Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
