My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
