its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sobbing to NWA
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
