you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
