# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
