Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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