It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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