Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
