dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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