i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
