omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I could make wine with my vomit
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
