why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
