Just fell off a train. Bad.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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