My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
