so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
