how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
