dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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