is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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