i may or may not be watching the land before time
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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