so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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