It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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