Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just had sex on a roof
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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