It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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