oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You made out with two different species that night
I just blew my weed a kiss
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
