hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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