I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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