I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
