There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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