4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
