I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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