I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
