i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
