Dual....:-)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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