call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
