isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
