Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
