The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
its liver damage thursday
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
