What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
