dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
