There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize