i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize