At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
