I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
being pregnant is like rehab
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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