just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
