my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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