Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Of course I have a pirate flag
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
