haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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