i just google imaged poop.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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