Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
