I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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