I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
