Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
