Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
