You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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