Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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