I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
