THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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